Seriously, if “How To…” blogs and articles really worked then we would all be leading amazing lives, kicking goals, strutting our stuff at our ideal weight, feeling fulfilled and happy with our lives.
The truth though is very different. In fact, I believe that when we are stuck in fear, How To’s actually do more harm than good. This is because we can all use our will power for a short period of time to follow the instructions of your typical How To, e.g., “How to Live a Healthy Life”… Step 1. Wake up early; Step 2. Eat lot’s of vegetables and fruit; Step 3. Exercise….. You get the picture. But what happens when your will power runs out?
I have played this scenario out many times in my life. My willpower runs out, I ‘fall off the wagon’, I beat myself up for the miserable, lazy, fat person that my ego tells me I am, I rebound into more self-destructive habits and I feel like a deep failure. Have you ever done this?
The problem is not that I was a failure; the problem was that I was addressing my desire to be healthy and well all wrong. I was asking the wrong questions and getting the right answers.
If that’s confusing, let me put it this way. The steps outlined above will result in you living a healthier life (hence, the answer is correct) however; you probably already knew the answer; the question really should be, why am I not taking steps to live a healthier life already? What’s stopping me or blocking my way?
Life can be boiled very simplistically into 2 primary emotions, Love and Fear. There are loads of ‘sub-emotions’ that help us distinguish the nuances of these emotions but I like the KISS model so lets call whatever is stopping you or holding you back from living your ‘ideal life’ your fears. There is some fear based belief system deep in your sub-conscious that is driving your destructive behaviours and the only way out is to ‘redirect’ or ‘relearn’ your belief system to one that is going to support the outcome you want to achieve. Then what happens is the How To becomes easy. You don’t have to use will power any more because it is perfectly natural to do the things that will lead to the outcomes you want because what you want and what you believe are aligned to the same goal.
You might be reading this thinking, ‘well how am I ever going to do that???!!’ I remember when I started learning this lesson; it made me feel frustrated and angry because I really could not see a way that I was ever going to change a belief system that I didn’t know was there or I didn’t understand. I want to tell you that it is possible and the shift and change can happen. I know because I did it and am still doing it. When I started my journey of self-discovery I found books, workshops, coaches and friends who would support me to see what I couldn’t see.
It has been an awesome journey, one fraught with expressed emotions, learning, growing, changing, challenges and lots of love and laughter. If you want to connect with me, please join my Facebook Group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/ConfidenceClarityPassionThrive/